This past week has been all about getting the last minute details arranged; buying a wetsuit, arranging for a bike (you would be amazed at how much it costs to ship a bicycle!) , checking to be sure my Southwest flight hasn't been cancelled (I am as nervous about this flight as I am about the event itself) , confirming my hotel reservations, rental car and just trying to stay focused on the purpose for this insanity....raising money for St. Jude in Zaks name. It has been really difficult lately to get my mind back to that. The winter was cold and snowy and the day to day of living in Central New York in winter time is enough to drive anyone to the edge. I have kept busy with work and I am grateful for that. I know for certain that I have NOT trained nearly enough. Now don't go getting worried...I feel that I am prepared to finish this event safely but I have not given it the 100% that I know it deserves. I can't really explain why I let it go. I hate running in the cold I can tell you that. Riding on a stationary bike is probably one of the most unsatisfying activities in the world and the swimming...ah the swimming...
I have always been a swimmer. I learned early and I truly love to swim. I was one of the "kids" allowed to swim in the deep end of the pool when I was VERY young. The first time I swam a mile I was 10yrs old. That having been said I admit...the swim portion of this event really has my attention. You see the swim is an open water swim, in the Atlantic Ocean, rain or shine, with about 900 people! Read any information on Triathlons and you will soon learn that races are not won in the water...but they can be lost there. So many people charging into the water simultaneously and trying to get out ahead of one another means the water looks like a Jacuzzi set to EXTREME. Feet are kicking, arms are flailing, the waves are pushing first into your face and then into your side...I was told by a Triathlon coach that it's akin to a boxing match where you just have to take the punches and keep going. This I am not looking forward to. There are lifeguards in kayaks and on buoys observing the entire time but how could you possibly see ANYTHING in the midst of 3600 flailing appendages?! I do not doubt my ability to swim the distance (even in the face of the regulation cutoff times) but factor in the chaos and my confidence wanes a bit.
Every time I find myself dwelling on these fears I bring my mind around to thinking about Zak and the kids at St. Jude Hospital, who are dealing with the ravages of modern cancer treatment. All those nurses and doctors poking and prodding. All of the x-rays and needles. All of the pain from hypersensitive skin...the blisters from radiation, the swelling from drugs and chemotherapy, the pain...the inescapable pain that accompanies the various forms of this awful disease. There are no lifeguards to draw them from this angry sea. No time out to float and recover. They must endure. When I consider this my fears seem petty. I am humbled by the struggles that are a daily part of a cancer patient's life. I am emboldened to face this insignificant challenge of sport and hope to have 1/1,000th the grace of the smallest and frailest patient at St. Jude. Zak always managed to be thinking about those around him while he was fighting. He always had a joke and a smile and for those close to him a touch even when he couldn't stand to be touched for the pain. So I am staying focused on Zak...and St. Jude Hospital...and leaning on my Faith and I will endure because it will only be temporary and maybe, just maybe the efforts will raise some funds to help to find a cure. Cause THAT is what this is all about. ................For Zak
http://www.mystjudeheroes.org/forzak
