In July, the end of July 2009 to be more accurate my son and I were hanging out on a Sunday afternoon watching a movie. It was hot and although I rarely do I was sitting shirtless...well more reclining...ok lazing ...along side the little guy who rarely wears a shirt in the summer unless compelled by his parents or a store policy to do so. I was looking over at my boy and thinking to myself that I needed to do something about his ever increasing weight. My wife and I had been mulling this question for almost two years.
What could we do?
What was he eating that was causing this problem?
Should we go on a "diet"...sign him up for sports....consult the doctor?
I glanced from him over to myself and considered how I had felt as a child. You see when I was the same age I was a skinny kid..I mean stick thin...I could run, ride and climb with ease and did so...until I turned 9 and circumstances changed dramatically beginning with a summer trip to visit my grandparents, a move to Germany (I am a military brat) and eventually culminating with the divorce of my parents and our subsequent move first to Toronto and then to Buffalo. I gained nearly 30 pounds over that year and was for the first time overweight. I would remain so, more or less, for the next 30 years. I never felt good about my health. I rarely felt confident about my appearance and I did and said and thought differently because of it. Don't get me wrong I had a great time, good friends, girlfriends, was lead singer in a rock band, and generally enjoyed lots of positive attention...for the things I did...it never felt like it was me that was accepted. I never felt like I was good enough and that voice came from inside...based on what I saw when I looked in the mirror but also on how my body felt ...like some horrible, heavy, "fat suit" had been attached to me and that I didn't have the capacity to change that fate. I saw changes here and there...mostly related to my emotional state but I was never in control and I was certainly NEVER fit....Back to the couch....
As I sat there it suddenly occurred to me that MY WEIGHT was causing the problem....MY DECISIONS had led to his current unhealthy state. I had been the decision maker when it came to what he ate. I portioned out the food to him and I was acting like he had to do something about it? I had fed him all the wrong foods, for all the wrong reasons. I knew nothing about nutrition and yet I was practicing it, without a license and badly on my own family. I was slowly killing the people I loved with the food I put in front of them and with my extremely poor example of health!
All he wants to do, all he wants to be..though he doesn't often say it out loud...is be like me.
What could be more natural? The reality of that hit me hard. I had done this by BEING FAT and I was teaching my son how to be fat too. How to over eat. How to blindly eat. How to avoid physical effort in favor of ease and comfort. I was the "NOT" example in the DO and DO NOT chart of a healthy lifestyle. I had to leave the room as the tears started to well up in my eyes.
....Now I had lived 39 years up to that point in that fat suit and I would have died in it because I had given up on me. I didn't believe in myself and obviously didn't like myself enough to try and change things for my benefit...but I found it fully unacceptable to be the cause of my sons poor health and there was NO WAY IN HELL I was resigning him to a life of being an overweight young man. Been there...done that....NOT what I want for either of my kids.Not what I want for my wife! NOT WHAT I WANTED FOR MYSELF!
ENOUGH!
I resolved that I would change myself, rather than try to force some new lifestyle on the family. If I could figure out how to eat, how to make different choices, how to get healthy, then I could be the right kind of example.
Is it too late?
Can I do this?
I like to quote Yoda...yes...Yoda....to my kids when they use the lamest of all words in the English language...T R Y Yoda says "Try not! Do or Do Not. There is no try." Trying establishes the base for accepting failure as a permanent result. To DO or to DO NOT is simply a measurement of a single moment. A temporary state of being and sometimes a choice. It's like the dirtiest of all 4-letter words C A N ' T...of course short for CAN NOT...which is literally a choice I CAN or I CAN NOT. Not a statement on ability but a statement of choice. I DO NOT allow the kids to use this word and I do not use it myself which meant I was left with the only possible conclusion...
I WILL! I MUST!
How? Oh boy..... I had no idea. I knew it had to start with food. You are what you eat. No wonder I felt and looked like CRAP! I am sure that at the end of 2008 I had weighed over 300lbs but I had avoided the scale like the plague. My little Sister had recently begun her own weight loss program and had enjoyed some success using Weight Watchers. My Mom had already been using the program to lose weight and had really improved her health. It was an extremely effective program for her but the counting of "Points" didn't appeal to me at all. My Sister had also begun using the Wii Fit and enjoyed the activities and felt that it helped her in her weight loss. Her family gave us a Wii Fit for Xmas to go with the Wii my Mom gave the kids. So in early January I took my first Body Test on Wii Fit and remember being stunned to find I was 287lbs. I had been denying the obvious for so long and now I had a number...a number I knew was not at its peak but I still didn't act. Mom and my Sister put together a family "Biggest Loser" competition in March of 2009 and we all put up some money for the winner to claim. I was temporarily motivated and managed to shed weight eventually weighing in at 267 lbs. in May...20 lbs lighter but without the incentive of the contest (which my wife won eventually) I added 11 lbs back on and on that July day I weighed 278lbs. According to the Wii I was Obese...I set a goal...lose 100lbs..first and foremost by learning what to eat....when...and why....and once I had made all the improvements that I could through diet alone...add in regular exercise to re-jump start the weight loss process. To become not just thinner but actually fit. What would that be like? I had no idea what it meant to have your body working with you and for you and not against you.
It was time to step up. It was time to be worthy of the love and affection that my children were expressing through their mirroring of my bad habits. It was time to be...a Father 100% of the way. Someone that the kids can look up to but more importantly someone who's example they can feel confident in following.
That is my goal. That is now my life.
I am nothing if not a creature who thrives on information and I threw myself into the research with abandon. I discovered some promising articles about a new way to consider fat. This led to a book originally written for women (Guys there is now a Men's version too with all of the correct caloric information.) which was based on these principles...The Flat Belly Diet is based on good sound science and it turns some conventional thinking about nutrition on it's head. Not just to be flashy or trendy but to really take a good hard look at what our bodies need to stay lean and healthy. I began applying the principle set down in the book and continued to educate myself. I learned about Glycemic Indexing and the affects that bleached flour can have on certain individuals...LIKE ME...how gluten can slow metabolism and how some peoples bodies are extreme fat producing machines capable of turning certain foods into fat at an alarming rate. I began to make better choices, to eat 4-5 meals a day full of the right kinds of foods...tons of fiber, lots of lean natural proteins, and water....LOTS of water...I started on the road to self discovery and self evaluation and along the way I discovered new things about myself. My true abilities, my real base line level of feeling good. My healthy self was waiting to burst out of its fat suit prison and my body responded as it was designed to...the weight loss had begun but more importantly my Extreme Lifestyle Makeover was and is under way.
